{"id":133337,"date":"2021-07-26T10:33:51","date_gmt":"2021-07-26T10:33:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/precoinnews.com\/?p=133337"},"modified":"2021-07-26T10:33:51","modified_gmt":"2021-07-26T10:33:51","slug":"ask-amy-family-members-are-conflicted-about-compassion-the-denver-post","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/precoinnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-family-members-are-conflicted-about-compassion-the-denver-post\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Family members are conflicted about compassion – The Denver Post"},"content":{"rendered":"
Dear Amy:<\/strong> I have been invited to a family event. One of the other guests, a relative, was recently arrested for possessing child pornography.<\/p>\n I want to make it very clear that, as far as I know, he has not physically abused any children. My wife refuses to attend.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve known this man my entire life. I have always liked him. Naturally, I was shocked, confused and disgusted when I found out the circumstances surrounding his failed suicide attempt.<\/p>\n I am trying to wrap my head around how I can separate my love for a family member when they carry such a horrific history\/situation\/illness.<\/p>\n I am asking you this question (instead of another family member), because I do not know who in my family knows what.<\/p>\n I do not think it is my responsibility to share this information with anyone (especially since there won\u2019t be any children attending the affair).<\/p>\n How can I hug him and have a conversation when I am repulsed by what he has done?<\/p>\n And if I can, is that the \u201cright\u201d thing to do?<\/p>\n — Conflicted<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Conflicted:<\/strong> An embrace is not an endorsement.<\/p>\n What I mean is that ideally, you would be able to show compassion and concern toward a fellow human being without affirming his reprehensible actions. This is a heavy lift, because others in your circle are not only judging him, but — depending on your behavior \u2014 will also judge you. (Your wife, for instance, might judge you harshly for even being in this man\u2019s presence.)<\/p>\n I think it\u2019s important to remember that even people who have committed horrific acts have innocent family members who are greatly affected and heartbroken.<\/p>\n Your family member might have a mother, siblings, cousins, and others who love him but are now pulled into a dark space because of what he has done.<\/p>\n You being kind toward him might comfort them.<\/p>\n I suggest that you greet him and tell him, \u201cI\u2019ve heard that you are going through a very tough time, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n Your further response and relationship will depend — to some extent \u2014 on how he reacts to you.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> I live in a northern state in the Midwest and my sibling lives in the South (where my parents live, as well).<\/p>\n For years I have flown to visit them for almost every other holiday so we can be together. My sibling has never, in 20 years, flown here for Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n And she has only flown here for Christmas twice.<\/p>\n She was planning on coming here with her family last Christmas, but we had to cancel because of the pandemic. She promised she would come this year.<\/p>\n Their niece, who lives here in the North, is getting married a week before Christmas.<\/p>\n My sister told me that she would come up for the wedding or Christmas but not both because she didn’t want to stay a full eight days with us.<\/p>\n Am I being too sensitive and demanding in wanting them to stay for both?<\/p>\n My other children really want to spend Christmas with their aunt and uncle and have been looking forward to having them here for Christmas for more than a year.<\/p>\n Should I just lower my expectations and assume that I will never see them here for any holidays?<\/p>\n — Sad and Disappointed<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Disappointed:<\/strong> Yes, you should lower your expectations. Your sister is giving you the benefit of total honesty regarding her capabilities.<\/p>\n Some people don\u2019t like to fly and doing so causes them weeks of anxiety.<\/p>\n Others don\u2019t like to be away from their home during big holidays.<\/p>\n Your sister might be facing pressure from your parents to be nearby.<\/p>\n People who have lived in Florida for many years sometimes develop outsized concerns about traveling north during the winter months because of worries about the weather.<\/p>\n You sound extremely generous and fortunate. You are lucky to feel close enough to your sister to actually long for her company. I hope you will accept her limitations.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cDistraught in KS\u201d was being denied access to her grandchild.<\/p>\n In Kansas, the law permits a grandparent to petition for visitation with grandchildren.<\/p>\n This grandmother can consult with a family lawyer to discuss how she can get to see all her grandchildren. Children need all the love and support they can get.<\/p>\n — Hopeful<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Hopeful:<\/strong> This young child seemed at risk. I suggested that this concerned grandmother contact a social worker at CPS, who could help to guide her through the legal process.<\/p>\n (You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n