{"id":168986,"date":"2022-12-30T13:19:11","date_gmt":"2022-12-30T13:19:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/precoinnews.com\/?p=168986"},"modified":"2022-12-30T13:19:11","modified_gmt":"2022-12-30T13:19:11","slug":"ask-amy-separated-couple-should-make-it-official","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/precoinnews.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-separated-couple-should-make-it-official\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Separated couple should make it official"},"content":{"rendered":"
Dear Amy:<\/strong> For the last two years my husband and I have lived in separate homes while working on our marriage.<\/p>\n I just found out that during that time my husband had an affair with his colleague and conceived a baby.<\/p>\n The lady pulled into my husband\u2019s driveway while we were having a graduation party for our daughter, got the baby out of the car and proceeded into the house!<\/p>\n I confronted her and she told me that my husband is the father of her baby. I could not even comprehend this. I admit I tried to attack her, and it became an ugly scene.<\/p>\n My own two teenagers and his whole family knew about the baby and didn\u2019t tell me!<\/p>\n We have been married for 25 years. My husband said he still loves me and that the affair is over. Otherwise he won\u2019t discuss it.<\/p>\n He allows the woman to come over to his place with the baby.<\/p>\n I told him she shouldn\u2019t be over there, but he doesn\u2019t listen to me.<\/p>\n He has apologized for what he did and tells me I need to let it go so we can move forward.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what to do. He has cheated on me more than once. He won\u2019t go to counseling, nor will he discuss how this happened.<\/p>\n We continue to live in separate homes.<\/p>\n How are we going to move forward if we can\u2019t talk about what has happened?<\/p>\n I\u2019m so angry and resentful.<\/p>\n I hate him at times, but I still love him, too.<\/p>\n His choices make me feel so undervalued.<\/p>\n — Distraught<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Distraught:<\/strong> Let\u2019s recap. You and your husband live separately — and you have lived apart for the last two years. During that time he has conducted another relationship and has fathered a child. He\u2019s told everyone about this except for you (and this includes your teenage children).<\/p>\n Do you define this as \u201cworking on your marriage?\u201d Is this evidence of him working on the marriage?<\/p>\n Although strictly speaking this separation doesn\u2019t fit the legal parameters of actual \u201cabandonment,\u201d it certainly seems that your husband has left the marriage. I can only imagine the impact of this complicated situation on you and your children.<\/p>\n I suggest that you see a lawyer and a counselor in order to make this separation an emotional break, as well as a legal one. The lawyer will advise you on your rights and help you to get the process started, and the counselor will help you to handle your rage.<\/p>\n This marriage has stolen your self-esteem. It\u2019s time to try to win it back.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> My nephew is getting married this coming summer.<\/p>\n I’m trying to decide if I want to go.<\/p>\n I have never really had a relationship with him; I doubt we’ve said 100 words to each other in 22 years.<\/p>\n His parents (my brother and his wife), and siblings are solid Trump followers, while I identify myself as a “rabid liberal.”<\/p>\n I have nothing in common with my brother and his family, and I don’t really know many of the extended family who will probably be there.<\/p>\n The thing is, I like his fianc\u00e9e, and don’t want to hurt her feelings.<\/p>\n But is it worth it to spend a day with people who don’t want me, and who I don’t want to be with?<\/p>\n — Rabid Liberal<\/em><\/p>\n Dear Rabid:<\/strong> You\u2019ve received an invitation to this wedding, so it\u2019s fair to say that someone in this family \u201cwants\u201d you to attend.<\/p>\n If you haven\u2019t exchanged as much as 100 words with your nephew over his lifetime, then it is possible that you don\u2019t actually know all that much about him.<\/p>\n A wedding is a family event — not a political event.<\/p>\n If you attend, your assumptions about these family members might be verified, or they might be altered, even slightly, toward nuance.<\/p>\n Leaving your own \u201crabid\u201d attitudes at home would help.<\/p>\n Dear Amy:<\/strong> Your advice to \u201cLost in Grief\u201d was so right. And I say this as a member of the grieving-through-clutter club.<\/p>\n Only thing I would have added was a recommendation to watch George Carlin\u2019s monologue on stuff. It\u2019s a really funny send-up and reinforces your point that Lost in Grief isn\u2019t alone or \u201ccrazy\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cwrong\u201d for having this problem.<\/p>\n Do you have an official degree in this, or does your sage advice come from your years of experience as an advice columnist?<\/p>\n — KT<\/em><\/p>\n Dear KT:<\/strong> I\u2019m a proud graduate of the School of Life, with a minor in clutter studies.<\/p>\n (You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n