Save articles for later
Add articles to your saved list and come back to them any time.
I feel like Iāve fallen behind the rest of my peers financially. Iām in my 30s and I spent a lot of my 20s working in jobs that I really enjoyed but were lower paying. Now, in my 30s, my friends have high-paying jobs, many have property, and can afford things I canāt. I am happy about their success, but now feel this urgency to make up for lost time. At the same time, I feel this hopelessness, like Iām never going to be able to catch up. I know itās not a competition, but inevitably I compare myself and feel embarrassed that Iām not further ahead. How can I get over this anxiety of feeling left behind?
My friend, you are not alone. Studies have shown that how satisfied we feel with our financial lives isnāt just about how much money we have, itās more to do with how we compare to others.
How satisfied we feel with our financial lives isnāt just about how much money we have, itās more to do with how we compare to others.Credit: Simon Letch
A 2016 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology posed that ārelative income ā whether a person has more or less income than others ā may be at least as important as, if not more important than, absolute income when predicting life satisfactionā.
An earlier survey experiment found more than half of the participants would rather earn $50,000 while their peers earn $25,000, than $100,000 where their peers earn $200,000.
Whether we like to admit it or not, our desire to be financially successful doesnāt stop at having money, it often extends to wanting more money than those around us.
So, to some extent, this feeling is normal. But normal doesnāt mean healthy, or desirable.
However you look at it, thereās something yucky about this phenomenon. No one wants to feel insecure around people who have more. Equally, while it can give you an ego boost, thereās something uncomfortable about feeling good just because youāre doing better than others.
So, how do we deal with this?
1. Develop awareness of your ācomparison conditioningā.
While some would say we are hardwired to compare ourselves to others, there is definitely an element of this that is learnt behaviour. We are taught to compare ourselves at a young age.
Itās everywhere. In school, your performance is directly or indirectly compared to your peers. Workplaces compare employees to incentivise performance, parents compare to encourage obedience.
When you start to notice just how much you may have inadvertently learnt to compare yourself, you can start to create distance with that thought pattern, so it has less power over you.
You can start choosing a different mindset, but the starting point is becoming aware of how much you do it, where it comes from, and whether that thought pattern is serving you.
2. Get clear on your goals.
Think about the word ābehindā. It implies there is some specific point that you should be at by now, which youāre not. It implies that you should be further ahead than you currently are and makes it sound like a race.
This is because we often think of financial success linearly. It starts with nothing and ends with, well, it never ends because thereās no end to the amount of money one can have.
If we measure financial success purely by quantity, no matter where you are on that continuum, someone will always have more than you, and therefore you will always be behind someone.
But what if we measured financial success differently? What if it wasnāt about some endless acquisition of more but rather about attaining your personal definition of financial success?
When you get clear on your goals, your priorities, and your values, it starts to matter less what other people have. What becomes more important is what you want.
In fact, through this process, you might realise you donāt even want what other people have. Not everyone wants the maintenance involved with a big home or the hassle of a property portfolio.
You get to customise your definition of financial success. Once you do, the only thing that matters is your progress towards your personal financial goals.
3. Embrace the non-financial value of your life choices.
When we feel disappointed by our current financial situation, sometimes itās because we are only looking at a single dimension of our lives, without a broader context.
You made choices that gave you things other than money. Pursuing lower-paid jobs that were more fulfilling gave you life and career satisfaction, enjoyment, and purpose.
It doesnāt sound like you regret that. So, how can you regret the financial impact of them?
We all make choices throughout life that serve us in different ways.
Itās unfair to ourselves to then turn around and evaluate those choices purely from a financial standpoint when money wasnāt the driving consideration to begin with.
Paridhi Jain is the founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest their money through financial education courses and classes.
- Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readersā decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.
For expert tips on how to save, invest and make the most of your money, delivered to your inbox every Sunday, sign up for our Real Money newsletter here.
Most Viewed in Money
From our partners
Source: Read Full Article