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Thought the previous two years of lockdowns, face masks, pub closures, “bubbles” and working from home were bananas?
We hoped 2022 would bring some peace and stability to the world – but then along came the most bonkers 12 months in living memory…
JANUARY: New Year’s Day kicks off a year of mad weather – with the warmest January 1 on record at 16.3C – while Dry January gets even drier as beer delivery staff strike, sparking 12 months of 1970s-style walkouts, including everybody from train drivers and posties to nurses.
The Queen strips Prince Andrew, below, of his HRH title and tells her son he must face sex claims as plain old Andy – the Duke of York denies any wrongdoing but settles the lawsuit out of court.
Covid casts its shadow over the start of 2022 with PM Boris “Bozo” Johnson claiming he didn’t know he broke lockdown party rules – even though he made the rules.
FEBRUARY: Russia, led by mad Vlad Putin, above, invades Ukraine, sparking the worst cost-of-living crisis since the Great Depression. The biggest conflict in Europe since World War Two triggers supply shortages and soaring energy bills.
Meanwhile, Finnish skier Remi Lindholm suffers a frozen penis at the Winter Olympics, while former US President Donald Trump is accused of flushing official documents down the loo.
MARCH: Ex-Chelsea numbskull John Terry dabbles in geopolitics by defending then owner Roman Abramovich, who was forced to flog the club because of links with Putin.
Elsewhere, P&O sacks 800 workers via video call then reportedly gives them five minutes to get off the ship, above.
APRIL: Scientists reveal an army of poisonous caterpillars – each covered in 60,000 toxic hairs – is spreading across Britain from the south-east – at a rate of five miles a year.
Tennis great Boris Becker is banged up for two-and-a-half years for hiding £2.5million of assets to dodge bankruptcy debts.
MAY: The UK’s Sam Ryder, below, finishes first in the Eurovision jury vote. Yet our boy is pipped in the public vote by Ukrainian gangsta rappers, so in fact Sam doesn’t win.
JUNE: There are calls of, “Oh no, here we go again!” as Brits fear the outbreak of a new global pandemic – with more than 300 cases of monkeypox identified.
Britain goes animal crackers as West Ham star Kurt Zouma is spared jail for kicking his cat. And as blistering summer temperatures hit the UK, weather boffins at the Met Office advise Brits to avoid cooling down with a chilled beer – yeah, right.
JULY: The UK bakes as the mercury soars to a record 40.3C in Coningsby, Lincs. In the Wimbledon men’s final, tennis brat Nick Kyrgios goes into a bizarre meltdown, ordering officials to eject spectator Ania Palus after accusing the blonde of having “700 drinks”.
Even stranger, England beat Germany at Wembley, above, as the Lionesses triumph at the Euros.
AUGUST: A beer-loving pony, top left, in Devon is made mayor but then banned from enjoying a pint of Guinness at his local, while energy giants cash in as utility bills soar. Water firms urge us to snoop on hosepipe ban-breakers and the boss of the Environment Agency tells us to drink recycled loo water.
SEPTEMBER: Bozo finally leaves No10. But celebrations are short-lived as lettuce-like new PM Liz Truss and simple sidekick Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng announce a disastrous programme of tax cuts and borrowing in their mini-Budget that make us even more broke.
Our beloved Queen dies, above, after 70 glorious years as our monarch, meaning the longest-ever serving heir, Charles, aged 73, becomes the oldest person in history to accede to the British throne.
OCTOBER: The Daily Star’s lettuce, above, outlasts lacklustre Liz, who becomes the shortest-serving Prime Minister ever.
Bozo cuts his Caribbean holiday short to jet back to the UK and snatch power, announcing he is “up for it” but Rishi Sunak enters No10.
In the most bizarre climate conditions of 2022, the UK experiences a “second spring” as temperatures edge 23C.
NOVEMBER: The world’s most unlikely lothario Matt Hancock, the disgraced former health secretary who broke Covid rules kissing aide Gina Coladangelo, is suspended for entering the I’m A Celeb jungle – but amazingly finishes in third place.
There’s glory for England in the men’s cricket as they win the T20 World Cup, becoming the first side to hold the T20 and 50-over titles simultaneously.
The football World Cup kicks off in Qatar, with matches in air-conditioned stadiums in the desert.
DECEMBER: A publicity-shy couple maintain their low-profile by trashing the Royal Family, telling millions around the world they are victims of a “dirty game” in a £90m deal with Netflix.
Lionel Messi’s Argentina win the World Cup 4-2 on penalties after a thrilling game with France.
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